You have decided to make changes. You know what changes you need to make, the decisions to be taken. You have decided on what you want to do. You have told yourself that in taking this action, it means success, happiness, a sense of achievement, freedom, fulfilling your dream and yet…….. You still haven’t done anything about it! You are still where you were!
You are full of self-recrimination, think of yourself as weak, a failure, you’re miserable and at a loss. “Why can’t I do it?” You ask yourself, “Why am I stuck? Why am I trapped in this situation? Why aren’t I doing anything about it?”
The more it goes on, the worse you feel about yourself. The more you beat yourself up over it, the less likely you feel about doing anything about it, which makes you feel more of a coward, a failure, weak………….STOP!
STOP RIGHT NOW! Give yourself a break! Take a step back! Take a breath!
If you are still in a situation, because you haven’t done anything about it, you are still there because you want to be! For whatever reason, you are exactly where you want to be. There is a reason why you are still in the same place!
The first thing to do is accept this as true. That may be hard! You may experience self-denial, however if you do deny it to yourself, you are not being true to yourself. Accept it and more importantly, accept yourself and be proud of yourself for having the courage to face up to the truth. Once you do this, it will be as though a huge weight has been lifted. You will be free. As the saying goes “The truth will set you free!”
Once you have accepted it and accepted yourself, you can begin to explore what’s really going on. So ask yourself
“I am being totally honest and truthful with myself, so I am asking myself, what are the real reasons I am still…………………?” Fill in the blank.
Then write those reasons down. Be totally honest and truthful, even if you find it hard. Get them out and down on paper.
Then take each reason, examine and explore it in an honest and truthful way.
For instance, if one of your answers is “I don’t have a choice” think about how true that reason is. Have you not already made the choice of thinking you have no choice? So you do have a choice! Is it then perhaps that the real answer is “I choose not to do anything, as it avoids an outcome as a result of that choice, therefore I have chosen to think I have no choice.”
Once you are totally honest with yourself and examine those reasons in a truthful way, you have clarity and authenticity. You are being true to you. With clarity and truth, you can make informed decisions that are right and true for you.
You may be surprised at your answers. They may uncover a truth you weren’t consciously aware of. Previous decisions you made may have been based on what you thought to be true, because you hadn’t been totally and completely honest with yourself.
Accept those reasons, whatever they are. Whatever the truth is. Congratulate yourself for having the courage to be honest. For being authentic. Respect yourself for seeking and finding the truth. Be proud of yourself for your authenticity!
Once you have uncovered and dug out the true authentic answers from within yourself, you are able to make a choice based on absolute truth for you.
If you decide you are making the changes, you will have more courage, strength clarity and focus on the how and why.
If you decide you are not yet ready to make the changes, whatever that reason is, you will have the courage, strength, clarity and focus to know that. It may not yet be the right time for you. It may be you need to explore what needs to happen for you to make the changes, whatever it is, know it is right for you. You decide, you choose. You have been honest with you and that takes courage.
In doing this, you will be more accepting and kind to yourself. Your choices and decisions will reflect what is true for you at this moment, rather than being made because you feel it is what you ought to do, otherwise it means you are weak, a failure, or any other negative trait you give yourself.
Whatever that choice is, it will be right for you as it is based on your truth. As a result, you will be strong, courageous, a success for having the courage to uncover and accept what is really true for you. Whatever that truth is.
It can be a hard, sometimes painful exercise to do. It may mean admitting a truth to yourself that you had previously denied or didn’t want to admit.
Once you are totally honest with yourself and explore the real reasons for what is stopping you from making changes, the answers can be surprising, unexpected, a revelation and always, always true!
Then you can make a choice based solely on that truth. It will help you know and understand yourself in a way that empowers you. You will have insight, clarity, courage, strength and an acceptance of who you really are, not who you think you should be.
You will truly be your authentic self!
Article written by Janet Wilks, NLP Practitioner and Coach